Sandra's patients

I will tell you this, I am not a career woman.  I enjoy helping people, I enjoy making my own money, and I enjoy using that to feed my hobbies like sewing, crafts and drawing.

There are many days where I am just going to work to make the money--I don't see myself as this doctor on a mission.  One thing I try to do, however, is make conversation with the patients and take home some realizations, small or profound, sweet or angering, tickling or saddening life lessons.  As I work with many elderly folk, it reminds me how short life can be.

Yesterday's episode *note this is all in Korean.
I call out a name and an 84 year old patient with advanced retinitis pigmentosa comes in hobbling with her dear husband.  They are dressed smartly and I show her to the exam chair as I point to the other chair her husband can sit on.
She smiles at me and says in the most pleasant way, "Are you a believer, too?  I love coming here because Dr. P is so faithful and the entire staff are believers as well."
I smile back at her, "Yes, well, we are so glad to have you here as our patient."
I begin the exam and while instill some drops in her eyes, I ask her, "So, what are your Christmas plans?"
Granny, sweetly: Oh, we will be going to church to celebrate our savior's birth!  I must say, I am very concerned about my vision--I can't see anymore!  You will help me right?
Her husband, firmly: Dear, please stop saying that you can't see any more! The Lord would be so displeased!  He gave you the gift of sight and you can see--it's just you can't see AS WELL.  Be more specific when you talk to the doctor.
Granny, a bit agitated: Honey, the doctor knows exactly what I am talking about even if I tell her I cannot see.  She sees patients like me all the time.
Gramps, still not backing down: No, you need to tell her accurately or else she may assess the wrong thing.
Granny, definitely upset: Doctor, you know what I am talking about, right?  Who is the correct one, me or this guy?
Me: Oh, you guys are both not wrong, but I know what you meant, granny.  This dilation will take a bit of time so we will be heading to the waiting area, any questions?
Gramps: Yes doctor, could you check if her her vision changed?
Me, as I scroll through her old charts: Hmm, no, there is a slight fluctuation, but it's pretty similar.
Gramps: See?  What did I tell you!  Stop saying that your vision is getting worse or that you can't see!
Granny, to my horror, shamelessly yelling with much vigor from her frail body: WHO IS THE PATIENT?  ARE YOU THE PATIENT?  I AM. DO YOU SEE THROUGH MY EYES?  NO, THESE ARE MY EYES.  DO YOU GO TO THE DOCTOR ON MY BEHALF?  NO THEY ASK ME DIRECTLY.  WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU!  IF I SAY I CANT SEE, THEN I CANT SEE!  YOU DO NOT SEE WHAT I SEE.
I could see the Gramps, very embarrassed but also furious by her explosion, but before he says something back and patients waiting outside think that I am a terrible doctor doing something terribly wrong, I exclaim: Hold on!  Granny does have dry eyes, so vision can definitely go up and down.  So I wouldn't be surprised if sometimes you see things a bit more blurry than usual and sometimes a bit better.
Granny with large eyes: Yes yes!  That definitely happens to me!
Me, trying to cool the situation and smiling: As we celebrate more birthdays, we get more dry, but I will double check if it is solely due to dryness or other factors as well!  So please grab your purse and come with me to the waiting room!
Granny, stares back at her husband and lashes out in a decrescendo: SEE?  I can't stand you!  Don't you dare sit next to me...murmur..
I walk them down the hallway to the waiting area.  The granny is still furious and she throws her purse on the ground as her husband who is following her, sheepishly picks up the purse.  The nurses, techs and patients watch what is going on.
Her husband sits in the other waiting room with her purse and pulls out his cell phone.  The granny takes a seat by another elderly female patient, takes her hand, sweetly smiles and asks (as though nothing has happened within the past 5 minutes), "Do you go to church?"

It made me laugh so much inside.  I could relate to the dynamic of married life and the struggle of trying to live a life that glorifies God in difficult times.  It's so easy to love Him in front of strangers and when things are going well but when it comes to wrestling with our sins, we are so tempted to succumb to them to protect ourselves and our own pride.  It was an endearing and humbling episode.

Life is wonderful.

things that make me happy lately

1. nice socks - oh my love for asian socks
2. jams - they look like jewels
3. fabric patterns - like a moth to a flame, how i adore the ones on etsy!
4. a small brown bag of satsuma's from whole foods

Passing thought

Alex reminded me the other day, how he was surprised when I told him (this was during our early dating stage) that I wanted us to go through something very difficult because we know how to overcome things together and make our relationship stronger--perhaps going through a desert or missions together. 

HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHHAAHAHAHHAHAHAHAHAAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAAHHA.

Obnoxious laugh, but truly.  WHAT A FUNNY PERSON I WAS.

The past three years was an indescribably hot crucible that refined us and burned off the ugly dross to make the relationship between us and GOD stronger.  I felt as though God really took my words into serious consideration and thought it was an opportune time to drop in hardship to know Him and rely on Him more.

God has a sense of humor.
Just like the time I was bawling that my dad was underestimating my career abilities by suggesting me to become an optometrist instead of a medical doctor.
Just like the time I haughtily said that Korean men were no good and that I'd marry someone Chinese or Taiwanese.
Just like the time I made a promise to myself that I never wanted to marry someone in the same health field as me, but someone who can contribute to the marriage with something I did not know like financial savviness or engineering abilities.

I must be careful of what I say.  I keep saying I want a daughter, I should start saying I want a son.

Still blogging

We are more settled in now.  Everything arrived and more things were purchased.  Spent well over $5k within the past month because we were eating out, buying more furniture/home goods, paying rent, getting malpractice insurance and some splurging on my birthday.

I caught a cold the night before my birthday--I hadn't had good sleep for the past month and it was really really cold in HMart!  My face was hot and my body couldn't really tell if it was hot or cold.  I took a really hot bath and drained out all my congestion for a good 20 minutes.  It came back when I was sweating from the heat and wanted some cool air.

Sunday was nice, we went to visit Onnuri which was a very small EM service with much younger folks (ie. college - young young adults).  Alex and I were the oldest couple there haha.  Wondering if God desires us to help guide the younger folk... we are praying about it.  I am uncertain if we should be choosing a PCA established church or see where-ever God plants us.  Like our beloved Mrs. Oh said, "We are PKPC missionaries." :)

I had several nice desserts from Dominique Ansel, Laudree and Sprinkles to celebrate my birthday despite sniveling and barely tasting the goods :) Luckily, Alex had treated me to an early birthday with a very delicious and best omakase experience I've ever had about a week before (when I could taste things properly and my nose was not plugged!).

Much errands to do, still, but a lot of my hobbies are coming into fruition.  My thoughts on having children is still on a balance beam--wondering if I am still too immature or selfish to give my entire being to a little one.  Alex recommended me to spend this year, while he was training in fellowship, to really pursue my drawing endeavors.  Sarah bought me a sewing machine because I always wanted to make clothes. Alex bought me three large canvas' to paint, and several of my friends encouraged me to really make "Strawings" into a full time thing.  Looking through instagram really disables me from drawing more--there are just so many talented people, and the things I want to do, people have already done.  Alex repeatedly told me to get off of social media and just draw, paint, create...practice practice...

It's hard to get off of social media because I still want to know how my friends are doing, what is going on in this world these days, good deals that are going on--and to be honest, a bit of FOMO (ugh how embarrassing)? I do like the idea very much from unplugging--much more things I can be doing, thinking that are of my own...hmm.

Portos

After Priscilla's lovely wedding and have two helpings of her guava wedding cake..I was craving guava baked goods since then.  I saw that Portos has frozen baked goods that I can just pop in my oven...AND EAT!

HOW DELIGHTFUL!

I will definitely make sure Alex let's me get the Breville Toaster Oven (hopefully the airfryer one, bc...I really really just want one). 

#thelittlethings
#justkidding
the toaster oven is definitely not a little thing...it's over $300.

IM BACK!

sorta.

I'm in Los Angeles.  Sun is great. Food is great. Friends are great. I miss PKPC...

Can't believe residency is finally over.
Onto fellowship...

Here begins my fast from social media (likely to be temporary, but let's see what more I can do aside from wasting my youth on my phone)!
Hoping to read more, watch more thoughtful movies, draw more, write more, cook/bake more,...be a more loving and understanding person.  Be more grateful. Be more happy--more joyful, actually.

Here we go!

celine wallet

why do they all look like adorable shades of chocolate bars????