Strawings is married!

I know, you have been with me for so long (which is FANTASTIC).  I read my old posts and I see how much I have grown.  I am thankful that I documented my journey from a young girl trying her best to navigate through life, who was unsure of her career, going through health scares, to a wiser (though I am still learning and getting humbled) being who has a lifelong partner.

I only wish I were able to document my relationship with my husband before we got married--it is a pity usually I post things when I am under the weather, lonely, lost.  I was always happy with him and rarely ever drew pictures because...I never felt empty.

Right now I am in Philadelphia.  I know!  Who would have known I'd be back--only God.  He knew it would be easier for me to say yes and move for my husband because I was familiar with the area :)  His plan is SEAMLESS.

Currently I am settling in and waiting for my Pennsylvania license to come in.  Here are quick updates/notes:

1. I have been married for one month!  We are still learning so much about each other and understanding where we are coming from.  Will expand more, perhaps in another post.
2. 99% of my friends from PA are no longer here (boo)
3. Sure there are some long days, boring days, gray days, cold days, very cold days, and FRIGGIDY COLD days, but I try to stay busy.  It is so strange, I get all pumped up to improve this home and I have ideas of what we need.  But as soon as I hop online, I have the hardest time buying even a single item--I research, look at reviews, compare quality and prices.  Then when I add the desired item to the cart, LITERALLY, it is dinnertime.  I get sick of looking at the computer and sitting on my bum, so I start cooking--which is surprisingly fun.  I repeat my ritual the next day--except, the item in my shopping cart no longer seems appealing so I start from ground zero again.  I AM MENTALLY PRODUCTIVE BUT THERE IS NO TANGIBLE RESULT! HOW CAN THIS BE???  So I delegated the responsibility to my sister who is currently at home for two weeks recovering from a bunion surgery.  She said she was bored and I was indecisive.  Thank you <3

The unexpected as come, yet again.

I am kind of getting the hang out how life throws in unexpected turns: from abruptly moving to Korea, a scarring relationship at 15, winding up at a liberal arts college in the east instead of a university in California, having optometry as a career when I thought I'd be a designer and going through CRVO as an eye doctor.

I firmly say: all of these experiences have turned out for the better, so I am not as afraid of future curve balls.  I have also realized the only consistent, reliable and expected aspects in my life are my family's and God's love--through and through.

Things that have been bouncing around HARD in my head lately:
1. I wanted to do more for my parents.  I wanted to send them on a nice relaxing trip.  I wanted to treat them better.  I wanted to provide for them.  Is this the kind of love God desires from His people?
2. Am I ready to die to myself everyday?  I see that am still immature when I think about how there are so many things I want to have and to do.
3. How can I be sure my sister is going along the right path?  I suppose prayer...I wanted more time to spend with her.  I can say that my mom and my sister truly are my best friends.
4.  My parents are so incredibly forgiving and the nicest, most understanding pair.  It still amazes me to a point where it angers me how much they will bend for the sake of the situation, for the sake of peace, for the sake of love, for the sake of the future.  Their pride, they lay down...every damn time.  They exemplify God's love.
5. I always knew I had a knack for friends--they are always the most supportive, gifted, and beyond wonderful.  During this time, they have built me up and shown that they have my back.  At a drop of a hat, they come to my childish needs and give me sound advice.  I am deeply thankful for these friendships and feel like I am one of the luckiest people in the world.
6. I've been tearing up randomly at work and driving whenever I think about leaving my family and not have done enough.  I just finished graduate school, settled in work life and began to enjoy freedom.  There is no way I am going to have a kid soon!

...I need to go work out.

In passing

Haven't been sleeping enough lately.  My sister sleeps around 2 am.  Being the night owl she is, I hear her working out with her weights in the living room, walking back and forth between the bathroom and her room, and a light chatter of Mad Men episodes she likes to watch.  Then our lonely chicken wakes me up at 5-6 am--might as well go to morning prayer or go for a run.  But I can tell the lack of sleep makes my mood fluctuate on a day to day basis: sometimes I die of boredom, sometimes I'm productive as hell.  I need a nap.

Today I had a 20 minute slot to buy and eat lunch, so I walked to the nearest place: Mollie Stones.  That place is ridiculously expensive: bought a roast beef harvarti sandwich ($7.99 for a 5 inch slice) and a cup of red pepper gouda soup ($6.99 for a small bowl!), but I was famished from all the talking and standing at work.  I walked outside and ate quietly while flipping through my phone at a nearby table.  Then a chubby man who looked and talked as though he was slightly confused asked me if he could sit at my table because everywhere else was taken.  He looked about 40, stubbly, his backpack was battered, and his grey shirt had mild dusty/milky stains (I had a hunch it was black before...).  I was a small girl surrounded by many passing people at a big table, why would I need to keep it all to myself?  "Of course," I said with my mouth full.

He said thank you and said that his friend was going to join as well.  He also added that his friend was a 'very nice man' and thanked me again.

I nodded and continued to eat my meal in silence as he pulled out a half moldy lined notebook and proceeded to look through the bent pages.  With his peppered brows furrowed, he looked hard at what was scribbled inside, whereas I stared at the back cardboard page that was reminiscent of a swiss cheese gone bad.

Then a skinny old man with a crutch on one side and a pharmacy bag held in the other hand hobbled next to our table.  The man in the black/gray t-shirt asked for my name.  I answered truthfully, "Sandra, and you?"  

Dang it, why couldn't I think of an alias.  "Well, I'm Willie and this is my friend..." That's all I got, I wasn't paying too close of attention. I was far too hungry than to listen for his very nice friend's name.

Willie looked at his friend, "Let me get you your lunch."

His frail friend with untamed white hair simply answered, "Okay."

Willie took out a 20 bill from his disheveled wallet stuffed with tattered business cards and receipts.  "You better spend at least $10."

His friend with sudden gusto, "HA!  That will only get me a salad."

Myself, 'Truth.'

His friend, "What about you Willie?  You gettin' anything?"

Willie, "You go ahead, I will wait here."

I watched this in slight disbelief and embarrassment because of my judgments.  I shyly offered with my mouth less full, "You both can go ahead, I will save your guys' spots."

Willie "No, no, I'm not hungry.  Thank you Sandra.  You go on ahead __(friends name)__."

Again, I was still in disbelief and I did not catch his friend's name for the second time.

The friend took the $20 and marched (with a limp) into the store to get his lunch.  I finished my sandwich in silence, and tried to piece together what could possibly be the story line here, who these people were, and why Willie was buying this man's lunch who accepted the offer so easily.  I told Willie "It was nice to meet you, have a good lunch." as I got out of my chair.

He said, "Thanks again Sandra!" with his face still in it's confused position.

I don't know why, but it made me feel good for the rest of the day because I misjudged.

Frida Kahlo

Take a lover who looks at you like maybe you're magic.

yoshimoto

I legit forgot my age

I was wondering if I was 26 or 27 for the longest time in the bathtub, and couldn't even calculate 2015-1988...

When I was 22

I wrote this 5 years ago on my secret Tumblr with my friend Joel that was designed to nourish and express ourinfinite love for summer's in Korea:

"Some Big Ideas

1.  Rain.
     A.  Pictures of washing hair in the rain (소나기).  So much rain that sometimes I wonder if it’s possible to wash hair in the rain haha.  Really…let’s try it.
     B.  This is also related to 소나기 , but I want to see how fast a paper cup fills up in one 소나기 session.  That means we have to be careful of the weather

2.  Birthday.     It will be my 23rd birthday on July 7, 2011 and I always wanted to try a picture of me in a birthday hat holding a plain floating balloon in the mist of people busily walking.  Then the next photo will be me and a friend who also has a birthday hat and a plain floating balloon (probs diff color).  Keep adding one or two more until there are 23 ppl total. Then the last picture I want a cake smashed onto my face. It’ll be the best birthday ever.  Around 16 pictures total~

3. People eating 아이스케이크
      Korea has so many different types of popcicles: different colors, shapes, wrappers.  I want to have lots of people eating different popcicles.  We need to bring our friends and family :)

4. Same pose, different places.
     We can do several of these.  I think it’ll be funny and cute.

5. Monday Missions. 
     We are given a theme mission very monday ie. hug 10 random people and take picture each, dance with 10 different people…etc.

Some Small Ideas

There are 104 days in a summer.  But so much to do!

1.  People and their dogs.  For some reason, the dogs end up looking like their owners. Hehe

2.  불꽃노리

3.  The public transportation.  I like people watching.

4.  Recording of 매미…

5.  Pictures of children catching bugs, playing in water..i just love kids, so pure!"

EUROPE

I did it.  I finally did it.  I can finally shut up about it!

I ENTERED EUROPEAN SOIL!

Lame interviewer Sandra interviewing the tired Sandra:

Q: Was Europe everything you had dreamed of?
A: Yes, except for Paris' weather.  I caught a cold the first day in Paris.  Spain had a much more chill feeling and warmer weather than France.  The whole time I was in Europe, I didn't feel like I was there.  Everything looked exactly like I had imagined it to be and the photos.

Q: What was your favorite thing to eat?
A: I loved the open markets in Provence: their truffle cheese, their strawberries, their cured sausages (yumm) and all the "degust"ing was delightful.  I loved Paris' quiche and pain au chocolates.  The best seafood I have ever had in my life was in Spain.  Their sepia and special green sauce were beyond description.

Q: How were the museums?
A: The Louvre sucked: never felt a connection. Musee D'Orsay and Musee de L'Orangerie were my favorite museums.  Didn't go to many museums in Spain.

Q: Anything else you would like to share with us?
A: Still in the astonished phase.  I will keep the warm memories in my hippocampus for now.

Q: Where would you like to go next?
A: Hawaii, Japan, Jejudo