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It's good to be home.

Gonna be semi-quick:

TUESDAY
- I felt nauseous, dizzy, and headachey.  I was afraid that I had a CSF leak.  It felt better when I lied down.  It may have been because of air conditioning in the house.

WEDNESDAY
- I felt cold and dizzy at the retinal appointment.  I was given a blanket and some water.  It was terrible.  The retinal specialist talked with my lumbar puncture doc and they said if it continued till Friday to go to ER and get a blood patch.  Uhhhhh...okay.
-  I found out I had a macular cyst (I had no cyst on Saturday, but Wednesday it grew that quickly)--hence my 20/50 vision.
- Options:
       1. get treated with anti-VEGF today (ugh...I really REALLY didn't want to get a shot in the eye)
       2. go find a retinal specialist when I go back home (planned to go back on Thursday).  This was annoying.  I didn't want to stay in SoCal any longer...my mom was pretty much shriveled up and my dad wasn't eating good food (he cooked ramen and got a tummyache for two days lol).  But I was afraid that if I were to get a possible infection after my injection and I moved up the next day...wtf would I do?
- Anyway, I thought, "F*** IT.  Let's do it today and move home tomorrow.  If I go blind...then I go blind."
- The retinal doc looked like she was in her early 30s, but in fact she was mid 40s and she seemed so happy and smiley.  She was like "You have CRVO!"  with a huge smile.  I wanted to run away, but later on she was pretty cool.  She's amazing at injections and confident.  She said she would never do high school again because it was so difficult.  She said medical school was the easiest.  "After I took my first med exam, I thought, 'I can do this!  So easy!'"  And then she became a ballin' ophthlamologist.  Life is a bit easier for smarter people.
- Did another FA: still non-ischemic (thank God) and no delay (thank God).  But the ends of blood vessels are starting to become ischemic.  She was the best FA inserter.  No pain.  I didn't even care anymore.  I did a lumbar puncture, MRI with contrast, 40 vials of blood...whatever.  If I get the central vein to properly flow again, it should be good.  But how?  I'm thinking exercise.
- Injection didn't hurt much.  I felt eye tighten with increased pressure.  But it was alright.  The Lucentis was $2000.  Medical bills are racking up quick.  The CRVO support group made it sound like a bigger deal than it actually is.  Perhaps it's because I had a really good clinician.
- Apparently Lucentis can help with decreasing permeability of the vessels.  I was thinking, 'What the hell.  Why didn't we do this before?  My optic nerve could have been in much better condition.'  We'll have to wait and see how it affects my optic nerve.  It swelling does not go down...I may become blind in that eye forever.
- I told my mom to stay outside and not see anything, but she wanted updates.  The other young ophthalmologist (coincidentally Korean) I was with, I asked him if he could talk to my mom with ONLY optimism (If there was something bad, make sure there was a treatment available...otherwise don't even mention it).  He did a good job with it.  My mom's face went from whitish gray to some color.  He gave me his personal number to contact him if I had any questions.  I was thankful for that because sometimes I need answers fast.
- I left the next day, I didn't care much about waiting three days to see if I develop endophthalmitis.  I wanted my mom home and my dad to regain his energy.
- My mom packed all my luggage (I'm not allowed to lift heavy things still) and drove 6 hours all by herself.  She didn't even eat...she just wanted to get home haha.  She is a strong woman.  I hate it when people say "House wives are weak, they just waste their lives."  SCREW YOU.  My mom is a strong lady, a selfless mom, and a beautiful friend.
-At night while lying in bed, I heard my mom crying to my dad.  She was saying how sorry she felt for me that I worked, heard news about my eyes and possible diseases I might have, and drove many miles to multiple examination and tests all by myself over this summer.  She said she never wanted me to do that ever again.  But honestly...I thought I was supposed to do it--I was 25/26 years old.  I'm an adult.  I must admit, though, if it weren't for the kindness and generosity of David's mom, the support of my friends, and understanding of my staff doctor (to take time off whenever for appointments) I don't think I would have done it all of that myself--especially when I am so scared of needles and get anxiety about sickness.  So I am thankful for the people in my life for giving me strength.

CONCLUSION:
- NO AUTOIMMUNE DISEASE (ANTIPHOSPHOLIPID SYNDROME, HA! MY AS$)
- NO CLOTTING DISORDER (TAKE THAT, YOU B!TCH)
- NO BACTERIAL/VIRAL INFECTION (IM HEALTHY, YOU MOTHERFATHER)
- NO PSEUDOTUMOR CEREBREI (well...I was pretty sure I didn't have this, so..)
- NO CAUSE: IDIOPATHIC (good, but sucks because then it could be treated if there was a reason...)
- If I were to have a baby, I'd need a C-section so that I don't get another CRVO...woohoo for pulling out and stuffing intestines in my belly like a sleeping bag!!!!

Currently:
- My head hurts a little less, but I do get hit with nausea.  Hopefully I don't have CSF leak.  Maybe stress. Feels like tension headache because it's the back of my head.
- My stomach/GI system feels very swollen.  I don't eat much because I get full quickly.  I am on zantac because my doctor thinks the long period of taking Adult Aspirin (325 mg) may have destroyed some of my GI lining.
- The blurriness is gone! But a piece of my vision is missing central temporally (more central though).  It's like a C-shaped piece missing next to my fovea.  I am hoping it's just blood or CWS that will be reabsorbed soon.  But need to see a retinal doctor today.
- Contrast sucks and saturation is different from right eye.
- I will start looking for part time job, perhaps at my optometrist's office.
- I will continue drawing and praying....I don't want to give up hope even though I am so thin on it.
- I will not give up.  I will not give up.  I will not give up.