Release

A lot has happened since last post
1. I took a medical leave from school--so I am no longer enrolled this quarter.  I can return next quarter.  But if I choose to take the next quarter off, I will be graduating with the class of 2016.
2. Retinal specialist said, "It will resolve in a month!  Don't worry about it and you can stop taking aspirin."
3. Neuro specialist said, "This is abnormal.  You need to get further testing ASAP because optic nerve should not be swollen for more than 2-3 months with CRVO."
4. So, my mom flew down and I got a lumbar puncture.  I also got more blood drawn. Number of vials total: 36 vials since June.
5. I now see 20/40 out of my left eye.  There is a lot more bleeding and more tortuous-ity with my veins.  Some bleeds have now reached the macula.  It's impossible to read this font size with left eye and street signs till I am about 10 feet away.

Everyone's hands are tied behind their back and right now my mom and I just lie on the bed...just waiting for result and follow up.

Lumbar puncture:
I couldn't sleep the night before.  The risk of paralysis was low, but I was still so scared due to it's invasive nature.  I hate it when they say "risk is low" because, honestly, risk of having a CRVO is low for someone my age too.  But I got it.  So "low risk" doesn't mean anything to me anymore.
I wasn't allowed to eat or drink 8 hours before the procedure.  I looked up online how other people's went.  I was surprised how some got it regularly.  They said they felt intense pressure on the back and afterward they felt pain.  There were youtube videos of the process, I didn't even dare to click on those.
Mom came with me to the procedure room, but I wanted her to stay in the waiting room.  I didn't want her to see because I knew she gets so involved emotionally and reads people so well.  So when she saw me wince when they put in the catheter into my vein for the second time with the nurses keep saying "I'm sorry, I know, I'm sorry", she almost threw up and fainted.  They had to give her orange juice and I kept asking the nurse if she was okay and if someone could stay with her till I was done (which ironically kind of made me laugh and feel better because it made me feel less focused on the lumbar puncture).
The doctor performing the LP on me came in and told me of all the risks involved and the purpose of the LP.  He said that he's never had a patient become paralyzed.  I signed the papers, then he left.
They injected sedatives in me.  I felt an instant effect and the room started spinning, but I somehow was able to fight it and stay conscious.  I continued asking normal questions and asked if my mom was doing alright. I felt calm, but not sleepy.
The nurse thought it was strange that I was so "normal," so at the procedure room...they injected more sedatives in me.  But I recalled everything.  The sponged me three times with the orange dye (that sterilizes my back...forgot what it's called..starts with a B.  I asked if I could hold the nurse's hand when the lidocaine went in (felt like a little prick), then she said she needed to put it down to monitor the xray.  I said okay, then immediately I heard, "Okay needle in...opening pressure 20....1....2...cup 3, please.  Done."  I didn't feel a thing.  AMAZING!
The actual lumbar puncture took about 10 minutes, and the prep took about 1 hour.  I had to lie in the bed for the next two hours with chicken noodle soup and assorted fruits as my lunch.  Until Sept 2, I need to stay rested and well hydrated.
I am thankful I did not become paralyzed, that I did not have headaches (not even a mild one), that my mom was near by.  I can't believe I considered doing this while I was in San Diego and just having my friend's sister drive me there and back.  No way.  I'm very thankful that my mom can cook, feed, and comfort me.

Vision is worsening rapidly and I am wondering if I should go back on aspirin.  I have noticed that my left carotid/venous area does feel sore pretty often.  I don't think I have an autoimmune disease.  I don't think I have a clot.  But I do think I may have something near my venous area on my neck (behind my jaw).  I think once that is solved, everything will return to normal.

I see my mom almost wasting away...she always asks me how I am doing and prays when she is not asking me questions.  I don't tell her of my vision decreasing and the more bleeding because I know it just worries her more and stresses her out.  I know she isn't the strongest when it comes to these things she cannot control...especially when she's just one on one with her daughter who's vision is just getting worse....BUT she's never had an epidural for both me and my sister.  I know she will pull through....Just hang on till Thursday, mom and dad (who is by himself :( and he hates eating alone)!

My friends have been extremely kind and wonderful to me.  Love you guys so much...

I try to draw everyday, but sometimes I don't even want to look at it.  I feel a lot of anger because I am going to be an eye doctor and I can't even treat myself.  I love everything vision related...just observing people's quiet/ordinary actions brings me joy.  I love design.  I love architecture.  I love drawing.  I love reading people's faces.  I love colors, lines--as cliched as it may be.  It's not fair....
It's not fair...I hope this will be over soon.