Should I do bad news first or good news?

I think I prefer good news first.

Good news:
1. My optometrist and neuro-ophthalmologist thinks the optic nerve swelling is slowly decreasing, especially on the temporal side.
2.  Not worsening.  Hemes, tortuous veins, and CWS still there.  Takes couple of months to heal.

Bad news:
1. Doctor called me today and is considering having a lumbar puncture done on me.  I really don't think I could do this one myself...
2. I need to get a new insurance.  It expired two days ago.  I wish I weren't turning 26.
3. My beta-2 proteins and LCA is low, possible chance I have anti-phospholipid syndrome.  If that is the case, very complicated pregnancies and lots of miscarriages, higher chances of stroke...etc.etc. My worst nightmare come true.  But my cardiolipin IgG and IgC are normal.
4. My night vision in my left eye is horrible.  I can't see a thing when I'm walking through my closet without light on.
5. Temporal peripheral vision is starting to be irregular.  Whenever I look at bathroom tiles or something with straight lines, they pinch in at the top corner of my vision.  Luckily I don't have it in the center of my vision. Possibly due to the macular thickening and ON swelling on that side.
6. ON starts to have pallor after a month of swelling.  God knows how long I've had the swelling and it's been over a month.  Hang in there my glial cells!

I am praying that I don't have anything going on, that it was just a fluke and everything will be back to normal.  There are many things I don't understand.  I try to go running, keep myself busy by studying or talking to friends, and have a positive attitude, but I feel like I get broken down.  I try to keep perspective like I'm not blind, I live in a beautiful place right now, I am still alive and kicking...but just hearing about possible diseases I may have, especially possibly having miscarriages when all I've dreamed about is family, makes me really really really really really really....upset.

I ask my pastors to pray for my eye, but it kills me when they say, "If it is your will, Lord, that it does not get better, I pray that she may continue to keep faith and love you."

But..."Ask and you shall receive."  I always ask every night, every moment in the car that the Lord will heal me completely--if not, I beg. Sometimes it's hard to talk to my friends and family because I'm so pre-occupied with my condition.  Sometimes I just want affirmation that I am thought about or that I am in someone's prayers, as selfish as it may sound.  I wish everything and everyone stopped.  But things go on so easily without me.

I had a patient today who had an NAION and she has a black line right in the middle of her vision.  She experienced it because her mother had a terminal illness and passed away.  She told me she swears its because of stress--not any other health condition.  She looked at me and said, "Just continue to exercise and not stress.  You are so young."

I try to tell myself whenever I cry or feel down, "You either make it your excuse or story."  And I hate excuses.