Wednesday June 12: Retinal specialist, Physician, and more blood work

Retinal Specialist:
- My friend and classmate who is also out in San Diego for rotations came out to see me and my eye.
- The tech was amazing and kind.  He made me feel very comfortable.  Honestly, I came in an excellent mood and felt as though everything would pass.  That perhaps what happened to me was completely idiopathic.
- I still see 20/20, no APD (though mild anisocoria) and pressures are normal 20 mmHg
- We do an OCT of ONH and macula.  Slight superior macular thickening (no signs of edema though) and extremely swollen ONH (totally out of the normal limits, which is strange because my optometrist and neuro-ophthalmologist said my ONH was somewhat swollen...does that mean it's worsening?).  Right eye is happy as a cow.
- OMD comes in and flips my world upside down.  He makes me super scared.  He says that I should take this matter very seriously because it can be life threatening (possible clotting or autoimmune disease), it can go to the other eye, and I can go blind from this.  He says if it does not resolve, I can get neovascularization, will be needing regular VEG-F, and will be needing to see him every month for the first six months.  My head feels prickly and faint.  He asks, "Did I scare you?" F*** YEAH.
- What's horrible is that the other day, my neuro-ophthalmologist said not to worry too much about Lupus because it was unlikely, but this dude is saying "Oh yeah, you are very close to it, I would be very suspicious of it."  He also confirmed that my eye can stroke out by being on an airplane.  Lots of thoughts and images zoom past me: driving would be restricted, I don't know what kind of optometrist I'd be (or worse, if I stroke out both my eyes what the hell would I do with my life, I'd plead for a education refund lol, but seriously), quality of life would SUCK...getting injected every once in a while, medical bills...ugh.  If I did have clotting disorder or autoimmune disease, would I be able to have kids?  But strangely, it didn't make me hate God.  I was just curious to know why this was happening, since everything that occurred previously in my life happened for a reason and I witnessed and experienced it.
- I call my dad and I feel tears swell up.  I tell him everything because my dad is so good at keeping calm and dealing with hard news.  So thankful he is my dad.  He asks me, "Do you want to tell mom?  Or should I?"  Definitely dad. I tell him that it's not fair because I haven't even Europe--and the thought that I finally get to see Europe with my very eyes and stroking out on the airplane horrifies me.  God, where are my priorities haha...
-  Fluorescein Angiography: God what a B!!!TCH.  This hurt a lot even with the "baby needle."  Apparently not too much dye was able to get into my system because I "flexed my arm."  But photos were taken anyway.  This was the first time seeing my left eye. When staff doctors tell you, "You will KNOW when you see someone has a pathological disorder"--you KNOW.   Man, it made my stomach sour and in a twist to see how disgustingly engorged my veins were.  It was utterly disgusting.  Usually it's a 2/3 ratio of artery to vein, but my left eye was a gross 1:6 or even 1:7.  Hemes and CWS along the veins and my ONH was not distinct at all.  I had no reaction to the sodium fluorescein, but my pee was a brilliant yellow green--like some kind of hazardous chemical you see in cartoons.
- Good news:
  --> there is perfusion, thus non-ischemic CRVO
- Bad news:
   -->  prognosis is unknown.  the retinal doc will need to monitor every month for the next six months to make sure I don't get neovascularization or worse, neovascular glaucoma.
   --> still dont know the cause, more lab tests need to be worked, EKG, and ultra sound of carotids to be done.

Physician:
- AMAZING AND KIND.  He made me feel much better about myself.  He said it was likely to be idiopathic since no signs of thrombosis or clotting factors or autoimmune disease is seen.  I told him itty bitty details of symptoms that turned out to be normal and fine.  He said mono had NOTHING to do with this and that at least 80% of adults have mono.  That I am young and healthy, he doubts anything bad is the cause and that I just happened to be unlucky to have it.  But he thinks it will resolve.  He orders more blood tests: thyroid, createnine test, TB (the gold standard to see if I actually do have it or not, all my results have been borderline positive.  dammit, I hate the word borderline).

Phelbotomist: 
- Different phlebotomist this time.  I requested if she could just keep talking to me to distract me and she did a pretty good job, but nothing too memorable except that she lived in an area where a gunman shot three people a few days ago....
- This time ELEVEN VIALS.  God, both my veins were already pretty bruised and so she had to use a butterfly to get it in.  This one felt like it was taking forever.  I felt my left hand tingle, but I kept squeezing the stress ball with my life.  It's not the pain that gets me, but the concept of blood being taken out of me that makes me feel faint.
- This time they had juice!  I chose apple juice and went to dinner with my friends to forget all that had happened.  I realized we are talking like adults now....talk about work and money.

- Today I was very thankful for my friend Lawrence.  He was calm and composed the whole time, which helped me stay calm.  For the past week, I had desperately wished my parents were nearby, so it was comforting to have him.  Thank you, Law.  I felt like I was on an emotional rollercoaster, especially today.
- At night I kneeled and prayed to God to please heal my eye and my body.  I would do anything for Him to just make sure they went back to normal.  I repeated it at least 100 times before bed...