Ignorance is bliss?

I have participated in journalism ever since my middle school days till end of college: school newspaper, math newsletter, model UN newspaper..etc.  I remember folding all our papers and stuffing them with my talented fellow reporters, editors to assemble the perfect newspaper--crisp and ready to be delivered to our entire school.  In high school, we would win awards nationally and were regarded as the people who will "most likely get into the best college." (Ha.)

Those were the good days.  Wrote about three articles a month and created a layout page or two.  My favorite articles to write about were always new technology, health, and entertainment.  My least favorite: politics and war.

I used to read the news on the daily for years.  On the phone, passing by through Starbucks, online, and even facebook...but it has taken a reverse effect on me: I am detached.  Each article, each news seemed to try topping each other off "3 deaths" "20 deaths" "70 deaths" and all of these would happen in one day.  It is as though the news about 3 deaths isn't as important as 70 deaths.

Before, I would feel this sense of horrible helplessness.  How is that I am doing so well, yet there are 70 people who were shot to death while sleeping just a continent away?  How is it that just two hours north, my people are starving to death under some wretched government that puts people in terror every single day? Whereas I am just picking off boxes of chocolate to eat just because I am bored?  For the rest of the day I wouldn't feel right.  But now, I fear as though my emotional mindset has taken for the worst: apathy.

I found myself dumbing down.  I turned to youtube that gave me temporary elation and go back to my normal dumb life.  I would just accumulate little bits of knowledge here and there but never really bother to delve deep into a situation.  Little subjects of small talk.  Sometimes I just pretend that I know about the entire thing because I had just read a sentence about it.

I need to start reading again.

It's never too late...

Designer Christian Dior
1905 - Born to successful business family.
19xx - Dior desires to be an architect, but parents push him to be a diplomat
1923 - 18 yo. Enters school for politics.
1927 - 22 yo. Drops out.
1931 - 26 yo. Life takes an unexpected turn, family business down. Sold fashion drawings for 10 cents each.
1938 - 33 yo. Worked for designer Robert Pigeut.
1940 - 35 yo. Entered army.
1942 - 37 yo. Finished army, began working for Lucien Lelong along with Pierre Balmain.  Interestingly dressed Nazi wives.
1946 - 41 yo. Founded his own house.

It's not too late...

Iktsuarpok

all the time.

Physiognomy

the assessment of a person's character or personality from his outer appearance, especially the face.

Random

I collect a lot of photos on the internet and save them in my folder called "느낌대로"
Just some feelings it evokes from me and I can't really put my finger to it...

cleaning out summer apartment

love in winter

a calm and soft morning

limited, but passionate rain...소나기

taken by my mom.  the world is your oyster.

the handwriting is so cute.  it's actually written by a prince in the joseon dynasty when he was 7.

youth + kinship

hand in hand...midnight walk in my park.  nothing can go wrong.

3 PM

imagination > reality

my aunt said this little girl reminded her of me.
i like when objects or people remind others of me...i like seeing how they perceive me.

Where are all the drawings?

Have I been sucked dry from inspiration?

Nope!  Doing a new project that consists of a giant postit and many many small postits.  Making a short film board!  WOWOWOWOWOW.

Will update soon, perhaps add a little bit of things now and there.  I'm to embarrassed to reveal because they have my very intimate thoughts.  BUT WE SHALL SEE.  I do like sharing my thoughts, but only if it is received well.  Ya know.

FREEDOM

my sister and i have dumb convos sometimes

• 11:56pm
  

  Sarah Lee
  

  
  

  hey
  should i buy a sword?
  i kinda want to sleep with one because i jsut heard a mattress fall (we have abunch bc ppl are storing their stuff here) and im soooo scared there's someone in the closet behind it
• 

  12:19am
  

  Sandra Lee
  

  
  

  ......are you serious?? you okay?
• 

  12:22am
  

  Sarah Lee
  

  
  

  yeaaa
  just paranoid hehewatched scary stuff today
• 

  12:23am
  

  Sandra Lee
  

  
  

  -__-
  WHO THE HELL BUYS A FREAKING SWORD

Note to self

Large secret garden
Kousa Dogwood Tree
Apricot Tree
Pink Jasmine
Herb Garden
Passion Flower
Rose bush
Peonies
Hydrangea
Succulents


Big kitchen
Big bathroom
Lights

totoro tea cup set

Do you know what I'm talking about?

That smell of refrigerated, hard stick of butter cut with a spoon...

That smell of the AC from the car...sharp, cool, and strangely wet.
Or an electric fan. Soft mixture of metal, plastic, and a meal from the night before, arriving in succinct waves.

Sound of cicadas.  Have you ever held one in between your fingers?  They are fat and ugly.
Have you heard how loud a cicada is when one lands on your window screen? You can literally smell their mating calls...so full and reverberating.  It will travel up your nose and vibrate your little hairs.

The abrupt downpour on asphalt on the hottest day.  Take in deep breaths.
The dusty and cheap gunpowder combustion from sparklers, mini fireworks, and shooters.
The moist soil on the regular morning walks at the park next door.

Pass through the thick humid air and you will know who was there a good ten minutes before
Close eyes and use nose.
Cigarettes, beers, perfumes, shampoo, nervous sweat of a first date.

분당

Release

1.  it's been a stressful week and i know it will continue for the next two weeks.  i'm pretty sure i failed one of my proficiencies, but at least i passed my vision therapy one, which was quite big.

2.  i called my grandma to see if she received her mother's day flowers and she told me she had bittersweet feelings because i used my parents money to buy it for her (when in fact, i sold my books on amazon and craigslist).  so that made her feel much better.  she told me her body was not the same and that it was painful to walk.  ughh...it was so hard not to cry on the phone.  i wish i could visit her more often and talk with her more.  she's been by herself for so long....decades....she also told me how my aunt was feeling a lot weaker than usual.  so i decided not to go back to norcal for my break or else my aunt would want to be her stellar host-self and be even more fatigued.  health...it's so important...

3.  words of wisdom from my grandma:
- the sufferings of today will bring happiness tomorrow (sounds so traditional, but it does have a lot of truth in it)
- marry a man with the same food taste as you or else you will be miserable hearing him complain about your cooking (ahh..)
- concentrate on studying hard, nothing else (ugh i hated that one, but it was true.  i must do well, graduate on time, and be the best doctor i can be for my patients)

4. i hate the feeling how i can't treat my parents out and buy proper presents for them.  i don't like the fact that i am not financially independent.  i appreciate it, so deeply, i do.  i am very lucky that they pay for a huge chunk of my graduate school and decrease my loan intrests.  but i can't wait to start making money so they can relax...

5. why is it impossible for me to be with my parents?  i really do envy those who can easily go home to their parents.  does this make me an immature person?  i think it's just that family means a lot to me.  i want to learn how to cook from my mom, i want to go out exercising with my parents, i want to witness the moments that are easily forgotten to talk about on skype and on the phone. i want to be there for them.

6. i want so many things.

7. i went to the korean mart to destress (trust me, it's therapeutic) and came back with eight very pregnant plastic bags to last me the next two weeks of school.  the small and old asian lady from my apartment complex (who walks with her metal walking stick at least three times a day around the neighborhood) was shuffling towards me and asked if i needed help.  i looked at her thin arms and her silver pole gripped tightly with her hands.  in my mind, i was thinking, 'what? you? such a kind heart, but really? what if i said yes??'  of course i said no and was handling it quite fine, but i felt stupefied as i waddled towards my place.

8. reflecting on the type of person i've become this year, i am very surprised and kind of disappointed.  i feel so detached from people and don't want to get too emotionally involved with them.  because i know i can get in deep and can get hurt if i am too vulnerable.  i talk without much thought and am more apathetic if i unintentionally hurt someone.  i must be more careful with what i say and be more attentive to other people's feelings.  "a gentle answer turns away wrath, but harsh word stirs up anger." - proverbs 15:1. i would have never imagined being like this since i do not like hearing harsh words myself...i must not let stress get to me and i must not get jaded.  keep the light shining within...

9. rolled my windows up and cranked up the volume in the car.  felt good..i can still hear my auditory cells dying with that low yet sharp ringing in my ears.

10. i wonder how my sister's doing.  i wish she would be the first one to contact me...

i think that's all i wanted to release.  a day of heaviness...sigh.

Eat a fruity popsicle

Kiss immediately.

chemical burn management

Retract lids and irrigate the eye
A. Squeeze bottle of saline for mild injuries

B. IV saline infusion set is better for more serious injuries in which 1000-2000 ml irrigation is needed (Morgan lens)
C. Usually irrigate for at least thirty minutes

Todays ocular health procedure class

For corneal abrasion, need to check for foreign body under upper lid.
Flip the lid.

I AM INVINCIBLE

my toilet got clogged. yes...i think i used too many squares for my own good.

there was no way in hell i would call up a plummer and ask for his services.
that poor guy...

so i took the plunger.
and i plunged.
i wanted to cry.

but it had to be done.
i felt my face in a twist for what seemed like eternity.

after five rounds of flushing and continuous plunging.

i won.

Good Morning!

Picked up my TI-30 calculator and tried to text with it.  I was confused for a good 5 seconds because I couldn't find the alphabet on it.

Then I realized it wasn't my phone.

This clearly shows how analogous my phone size is to my calculator and how four hours of sleep can keep me going throughout the day, just not as focused.

side note: My cousin gave me some Korean coffee packets...surprisingly I don't get the caffeine jitters from them and it tastes so much better than Starbucks!  Score!