Lately I find cute...

1. Pineapples
2. Cartoon drawings of food
3. Small potted plants
4. Fried eggs
5. Tea packages and tea sets

Three most important questions you can ask

Although this is geared to parents of teens, this article hits it PERFECTLY.  If I have children, I hope I can raise them to be genuinely curious, not to fear mistakes, and become wiser through the mistakes.

This reminded me of my sister.  A brilliant mind smothered by the expectations of a very educated family background.  I remember her telling me in elementary school she would think about the galaxies and what was going on beyond earth, while her friends were playing during recess.  She was the first in our family who wanted to join the LGBT alliance club at school because she found injustice in treatment of those the LGBT society.  A voracious book reader, true community lover, and just so...brilliant and wonderful.  I hope she still thinks about the galaxies...

Three Most Important Questions

"We have raised a generation that is plagued with insecurity, anxiety and despair....

...this generation of highly accomplished, college-bound students have been robbed of their independence because they have been raised in a petri dish for one purpose only: to attend an elite college that ensures their and their families' economic and social status. Instead of being nurtured towards real curiosity and a genuine sense of citizenship, these millennials are conditioned to think that everything they do is for the purpose of looking good in the eyes of admissions officers and employers: you earn good grades not because they mean you are learning something, but rather because they will help you stand out from your peers when applying to the Ivies. You engage in community service not because you wish genuinely to make a positive difference in the lives of others but rather because that is how you burnish your resume -- service as check-off box. You play sports not because they build character and teamwork and are a whole lot of fun, but because you want to try to get recruited for a college team. You study art or music not because you wish to refine your understanding of human nature, creativity and culture but because it will help you look smarter.

There is little intrinsic value in what you do. The result: Many college students who fall apart under pressure because they cannot conceive of the fact that hard work and learning are positive outcomes in and of themselves. They have no sense of who they are or what is important in their lives. They have spent so much time trying to look good that they do not know what "The Good" (consider Plato here) really is. They are walking ghosts of seeming, not of being."

My patient

I had my first mentally challenged patient today as well as a large staphyloma.  She was a middle aged, Spanish speaking, moderately intellectually disabled woman.  She was on an entire sheet of paper full of drugs and had schizophrenia.  The primary care doctor she saw in early January wrote that her vision was within normal limits.  But she had no light perception whatsoever in her left eye and they left her with 20/60 vision in the other.  I felt troubled when I discovered this.  He didn't do a proper job at making sure her vision was actually good.  It's as though it was automatically deemed as a futile effort in correcting her vision due to her disability.  Perhaps correcting vision won't be any better, but there are studies that patients with dementia or intellectual disabilities become more responsive with corrected vision.  But they just left her like this and didn't even give her a chance!  Nothing was known about her family history.  The care taker with pretty bad rheumatoid arthritis (just by looking at her knuckles) who brought her in kept saying, "I don't know.  She just came last year.  So we don't know anything."

The patient ended up having high anisometropia and a large staphyloma that basically ate up her macula and optic nerve in her left eye due to the pathological myopia.  Luckily, she came in to get glasses to correct her right eye as well as protect that eye with the spectacles.  I just loved how she held my hand down the hall.  I felt like she trusted me so much.

Growing pains of reality of work life and how other people live.  We can't fix everything.  I know...but there is beauty in the attempt?

There are days when I forget why I am doing optometry...but some of my patients remind me.

Tim Keller does a good job in reminding me as well :)

If God’s purpose for your job is that you serve the human community, then the way to serve God best is to do the job as well as it can be done.

GRIT.

- failed boards by 2 points.  i knew i had the possibility of failing because i couldnt go back, change, or check my answers due to the glitch.  its just ridiculous if there wasnt a glitch...i would have passed easily...

- still juggling insurance and medical bills.

- staff doctor told me that i am not to par.  i know i am smart, perhaps i feel this subconciousness block that no matter what i do, my skills and knowledge base will not be as good as everyone else in clinic because i took a quarter off.  i need to get rid of that block ASAP.  they are asking me to come in on tuesdays now.  so i will be working 6 days a week.

- driving two hours back and forth to practice for boards 3 that i was supposed to take last quarter is tiresome, especially with the 6 day work days.  but i need to take it before my class graduates.  i really wish i didn't have crvo and take the quarter off...

-co-worker called me out in front of everyone in the lunch room.

A "hey sandra, you look super dressed up today."
S "what do you mean?  it's just clinic attire."
A "you're not wearing jeans."
S "they're black and they said it's okay to wear them if they are dark."
A "they're JEANS."
S "okay."
A "plus you're not wearing that pajama sweater."
S "what?"
A "yeah, i wear that kind of shit to sleep."
then another coworker said "way to call her out."

on a normal day i would have just laughed it off.  but due to the events of the past week, i was NOT having it. it totally came out of the blue!  ive been wearing similar attire for the past three months and no one said anything.  the sweater was a nice cashmere and has a boxy style that my parents bought for me as a christmas gift.  i guess it could look casual, but it was cold and would be covered by my white coat anyway.  i felt so embarrassed because no one said anything, i just took it as though they agreed to his remark.  i left the lunch room with my lunch still on the table.  i felt hot tears start to well up and had to excuse myself quickly before others saw.  arggg so embarrassing, why do i have to be so sensitive today??

i will buy new pants and sweater tonight.




Whatever happens and whatever you do, do not let your heart be hardened.

Oh, and go finish your lunch.

Dine LA!

1.  Bestia - Italian white truffle pasta, grilled octopus
2.  Marugame Monzo - Sea Urchin Cream Udon
3.  Portos - Potato balls
4.  Papa Cristos - Grilled baby octopus
5.  Haus by Coffee Hunter - Mixed Grain drink
6.  Hamjibak - ribs and pork
7.  Okmurong - Korean shaved ice
8.  Churros Calientes - Chocolate dipped churros
9.  MILK - macaron ice cream sandwich
10. Blockheads Shavery - black sesame shaved ice
11. Sprinkle's Ice Cream - with red velvet cone
12. Salt and Straw - Almond brittle with salted ganache
13. Saffron and Rose - fragrant ice cream :)
14. Magnolias - compare it with NY!
15. __________________?

Good things that happened today

1.  Driving to work usually takes me 20-30 minutes.  I got there in 10 minutes--ran ALL green lights!  Driving back, work takes 30-40 minutes.  I got home in 15 minutes.  THANK YOU MLK!

2.  Saw a patient two weeks ago.  She said she specifically wanted me to see her son, so I saw him on Friday.  Then she said she wanted me to see her husband.  She was like, "I want him to see ONLY you.  I think you're great, so I only want you to be the doctor.  No one else."  AND IT FELT GOOD!  I MUST BE DOING SOMETHING RIGHT!

3. A middle aged patient confused to why his eye suddenly hurts, cannot blink completely on one side, and cannot smile fully.  I took his blood pressure to rule out stroke from hypertension and did a thorough history.  BAM!  YOU GOT BELL'S PALSY, SON.  Staff doctor who usually schools me hard agreed.  Now the patient is off to the primary care doctor.  BOO YEAH!

4. I woke up a bit late so did not have time to eat breakfast, BUT the director brought donuts to clinic.  I LOVE MONDAYS...because I get tomorrow off :)


List of things to do tomorrow:
1. Call if my car is fixed yet...its been two weeks! :(  I miss it...I realized I don't like Toyotas, especially Corollas
2. Get finger printed in Long Beach and get Livescanned, then submit my papers.
3. Work out
4. Study script for Boards 3
5. Laundry
6. If I have time, then shop.  I need clothes.

I miss Korea

That place inspires me so much...I cannot wait to go back.

2 Corinthians 12:9

But he said to me, “My grace is sufficient for you, for my power is made perfect in weakness.” Therefore I will boast all the more gladly about my weaknesses, so that Christ’s power may rest on me.

There are many times I fail and feel insecure about optometry.  Yesterday I missed several stromal scars and every time I miss something, whether it be a physical detail to connecting symptoms to data, I feel incredibly incompetent.  What have I been learning within these past few years??  Can I not trust my very own eyes in which I have great pride in for noticing small details? 

I need to remind myself of this verse.  That God purposely placed me here and that I should take it with a grain of salt--at least I have 8 months to polish before entering the real world.

Keep pushing through.  

Dont forget about the story of the servants and the talents--give it all you've got. 

Be prayerful and thankful!

Places I want to go and Places I want to see again :)

It seems whenever I have a lot of things to do and finish, I have a tendency to want to run away and travel...

Official list of places to travel before I die!

1. Japan + Hokkaido
2. Seoul + Jeju 
3. UK (Scotland, London, and the country side)
4. France (Paris and the country side)
5. Italy (Rome, Florence, Venice)
6. Iceland
7. Switzerland (I love greeeen)
8. Hanoi, Vietnam
9. Istanbul, Turkey
10. Seattle, WA (Summer time ONLY)
11. Boston, MA
12. Philadelphia, PA (Spring time ONLY)
13. Quebec, Canada
14. China (Hong Kong, Shanghai, Chengdu)
15. Spain (Barcelona, Caceres)
16. Santorini, Greece
17. Morrocco
18. New Zealand
19. India
20.                             

On my mind

Things I NEED to do:
1. License paper
2. Finger printing
3. VA housing
4. Presentation
5. Boards
6. Bills
7. Health plan change
8. Lock myself up in a room with no reception whenever my period is about to or actually starts -- I become a monster.

But I'd rather be doing:
1.  Modern calligraphy for cards
2.  Drawing
3.  Hiking
4.  Sleeping

Analogies:
"You can't put ramen noodles in a pho soup.  Vermicelli tastes best in pho."
What my salonist told me when I showed him a picture of a several caucasian hair styles I wanted.

Pride:
- String of complicated patients.  All got out in a timely manner even with extra testing.

Fear:
- Friday's presentation grilling
- My own ideals actually hurting than helping

Lesson of the day:
Go straight for the powerful dilation drops with kids.  Forget the numbing drops.  I always thought I was good with kids and got away with putting multiple drops.  None of them cried.  Except today.  Today I had a merciless screamer.

May your choice reflect on your hopes and not your fears.